I'm back!!

It has been 2 mths plus since i blogged my last entry! I hardly can find the time and mood to blog even though i've so much to say..

Well, these 2 mths havent been easy for me. Increased stress level and decreased confidence in me. In fact, i hyperventilated. Shouldnt use ED cos it is still happening at times. Hyperventilation is a symptom of depression actually.. but please dont say im gg mad or similar phrases.. it hurts though sometimes i just laugh it off tog w u.

It's just a symptom.. and i admit im stressed. Because of work? I would only say Partly. My work really gives me lotsa stress at times and it is taking up a lot of my time and energy. And sometimes i got so angry over others' incompetency. Perhaps it is my own perfectionism problem or maybe it's just that i'm hard to work with. But i just cannot trust some to do certain tasks.

Anyway i think i get more stressed up upon thinking that i gotta go home straight after work everyday. Seems like a small kid right? Coz my mum is so addicted to mj now... and i have to take up the job of feeding my dogs and taking care of them.

Some told me to thrash it out w my mum.. well, i think different families have different culture. I'm not a girl who has been staying w my parents ever since i was born. I dont confide in them or talk rubbish w them like you all do. Neither do i shout at them or oppose their decision. So it is really difficult for me to tell my mum "stop playing mj and stay at home n look after your dogs!".

Another issue is that... i'm facing the 4 walls everyday after work. There's no one to talk to me at home. The whole house is dark and quiet. While others are all looking forward to go home.. i prefer to stay at the workplace [which i cant coz of the time factor].

Aiya, i think many factors contributed to the hyperventilation. And upon knowing i m hyperventilating i felt more upset and inferior. I get quite sensitive to what people say to me... how ppl treat me... but i never show it out la. I think it is quite rude... cause we cant control others' mouth n thinking right? So sometimes i feel better crying it out. I really feel better after crying you know.. im not pitiful la.. i think it is just a way for me to release the sadness. And i think im expecting more n more from myself.. i kept asking myself how come i cannot be as good as others in all different aspects that one can think of.

Ok la i think this post is quite a gloomy one but things aint as bad as what you think. I just trying to find a vessel for me to pour things out. I know it is so unlike me but it is ok.. i will be back to myself soon!!

Would like to take this opportunity to really thank those who has been by my side all this while. I'm blessed with good friends and colleagues. There's really some who are genuinely nice to me and sincerely wanna help me. Thank you.

Shall blog about other things in my next post. Hopefully it will be soon. :p