I hate my immune system

I went for acupuncture just now.. i was qte happy cause i saw my idol there. OK, in that clinic, there's my doc and his disciples... and one of these disciples is very skilful so i named him my idol. hahaha.

It has been a few months since i saw him. So just now, he treated me. And during the treatment, my doc asked him what are the changes he saw in me.. and i overheard them discussing. WHICH made me upset.

They mentioned that i used to look so radiant, but now im like dull and haggard looking. And that the shape of my face has greatly changed. And im like towards the bloated side. Well, im not the least offended... cause i know they really meant well and want to help me.

So during our conversation, they suggested me to stop my steroid intake, saying that it really has far too many side effects. Bloated is just a small issue, taking steroids will harm my kidney and dont know which other organ la.

YA... so, ya, im confused. I trust them and yet i know that once i stop, the pain will come back. Im currently taking 4 steroids a day... my western doc says i can reduce to 3 if i can take it. Chinese physician asks me to stop totally.

Perhhhaaapps... i'll just go for something in-between. I will try to skip whenever i can tahan. And i shall limit myself to 3 a day for the time being.. then slowly reduce to 0. I dont know if i can or not.. but im just really feeling down right now.

My hyperventilation seems to be coming back. And i fear.

I dont understand why m i so weak... and i hate it when ppl say things like how come such a fat girl can have so many illnesses.. totally rubbish.

Anyway, i'm angry at myself too. :(