I feel lost.

The day that they have been waiting for.... is here. I saw tension in their expressions, i saw fear, i sense nervousness. I saw their hands shaking to the extent that they are unable to sign. i saw them tremble...

After getting their results, i saw their happiness, their smiles, their excitedness to break the news to their friends and family, their disappointment in themselves, their lost expressions not knowing what's going to their next stage of life...

How about me?
Mainly good news for me!

1. I have finalllllly gotten my 100% passes for AMaths.. i broke the record. i got it. And i'm proud of myself, even more proud of my kids who made it so far for me. To make things better... a close to 50% distinction for them. Double the national standards! Fantastic job amaths students.. you made my day! I got reminded of how hard you guys studied for my subject... the long hours you spend each day to do the papers.. the effort you put in .. the motivation level that increases with each passing day. Well done! No one was a just-pass case.. so dont say you pass by luck. You pass with your knowledge and determination... You did it.

2. I was really hoping for this boy to be promoted because he really changed a lot and put in a lot of effort for this national exams. However, his case can only be finalised in jan.. and i know he is standing at a cross junction now, feeling upset, feeling disappointed, feeling lost. I'm upset as well. I really hope his O maths can pull him up to Sec 5. Because you are a joy to teach. I look forward to teaching you again. :)

3. And here comes the results of my 4NTs.. my darlings whom i got to know ever since i started my official teaching career here. And i must say... you guys rawk! You have proven it to everyone else in the world that you can do it. You are capable of every single thing that you wanna achieve. Hard work determines results. You made me feel SO proud of you. You believed in me, trusted in me.. and invested time and effort in my subject. And yes.. well done.. we broke the record. 98.6% passes with 71.2% distinctions! Way way WAY above national standards. Remember this achievement.. remember it well. remember that if there's a will, there's a way. Remember that you have to invest, in order to harvest and sow. Dont be always envious of others who are having fun all day long.. they may not be that outstanding as you at the end point. Be consistent.. plan ahead. Anyway, none of you is ever going to get to read this post, i dont know why m i here typing advice! hahaa. I'm just too happy... and too proud of you guys! You know, the principal came to me, praised me about the high distinction rate. The praise shouldnt come to me.. it should be directed at you. I hope all of you had paid attention to her speech... and heard her praise your cpa. Did you? That's the only subject she paused to praise. Remember it... you got the praise... it's directed at you.

4. Particularly talking about a few boys... dont give up when you sense people looking down on you. We have proven to them that you do have the capability. Though you have been getting into lotsa trouble, you have really done well for my CPA. I really appreciate all the hard work and effort. And i know you tried hard.. you didnt want me to be disappointed. I know it all. Thank you. And i do mean it.. thank you for giving me all the As. I'm so proud telling everyone that i have the ability to make this whole group of you get A. Every single one of you.. you have gotten my A for me. I will remember it. nic, wy, yh, ks, wm, js, loren, kp etc... thanks for the A. Your A is especially valuable to me.

5. I'm already starting to miss all of you. I'm feeling lost. Because i can never see you in sch uni again... not in the parade square sitting down again, not in the lab doing work again, not at the study benches revising cpa again.. all the best in your future endeavours!!

Thank you for making me find meaning in my job once again.